A whirlwind of crazy-blind passion had me ending a loving, comfortable, and safe 16-year relationship with a wonderful man, moving out on my own with his blessing to begin the journey of exploring my sexuality. I was 47. And I wanted to be with a woman. It wasn’t a choice. The need had grown from a whisper to an undeniable cry for fulfillment deep inside me that was getting harder to ignore.
And it grew louder when I met her.
I knew it was time to come out.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect, as you’ll see. It could be downright toxic at times if I’m honest. Two hurting people hurting each other is never a good mix no matter how strong the love. And I do believe at the heart of it, there was real love. And hopefully, you’ll see that too. Because for all its bumps and bruises and disappointments, it is a love story. Full of passion, sex, heartbreak and drama. And seriously. What’s a good lesbian love story without passion, sex, heartbreak and drama? 🙂

But this is also my late-blooming-coming-out story. My emancipation, if you will. The heartache is deep. The sadness often debilitates. You would think after 13 years I would be over it all, but it’s become increasingly clear to me and to those who are really listening, (God and therapy rock!) that the need for healing and forgiveness is undeniable.

I’m a writer. Words are how I express my heart best. ( I hear that’s a thing.) All of this is more for me than it is for you. When I started going through old blog posts, a new story developed and I kinda fell in love again, but this time, with the characters on the page. Obviously, I knew their story, but seeing it through a new lens; one of maturity, compassion and forgiveness, I now know it’s a story I want to write. For so many reasons.

I’ve got a long way to go in compiling and crafting all the bits and pieces, old and new. And I hope it’s a fruitful labour of love. My intention is to honour my journey and to heal from the wounds I carry now because of it. I’m really hoping that going only a little down the rabbit hole here will help me with that.

As you will come to learn, this has not been an easy path. When I love I love deep. She’s been fucking hard to get over. For so many reasons. And this whole coming out thing? Well, let’s just say if I could have one major do-over in this life, coming out differently would be it! Coming out crooked sucked.

So, here you are. In my kind of a blog/book/memoir in progress, I guess. What should we call that? A Blookamoir? Lol. Meh, you decide. We all have a story. This is mine. And if me telling mine can somehow help you, then that’s a win-win for us both. <3