Curly chestnut hair. Laughing brown eyes. Gentle and kind.
Boi. I wonder who you are now.
Sweet Robin. How I remember her. Inviting me to spend time in her bedroom and then not really knowing what to do with me when I got there. I’d sit quietly on her bed after she closed the door, watching her flit around nervously pulling out this thing or that to show me some of her cool stuff. And she did have cool stuff. Superheros were her thing. Batman being her favourite. She had just been given a new one and clumsily held it out to me for inspection. But I wasn’t interested in her stuff. I was interested in her. And she knew I was. I could feel her energy. And her curiosity. I remember the awkwardness, the nervousness, the anticipation ~ without really understanding any of it.
We were 10. Grade 4. Same class. I caught her staring at me one day and when our eyes met she looked away, cheeks flushed, pulling her hair down over her face. I wondered if she had ever seen a brown-skinned girl before. Or ever been close to one? I was a rarity in my school of mostly whites, but I was accepted easily enough. I was a track star after all, and track stars were always accepted.
robin
After a few more quick and curious encounters with Robin’s golden brown eyes, I started to become physically aware of her. Her eyes, her hair, the way she walked, talked. Her slightly heavy, full body. Her pale pink lips and perfect tiny teeth when she began to smile shyly at me. She was mannish even then but there was a sweetness about her, an innocence I was very attracted to.
I had never kissed a girl at this point. But I wanted to kiss Robin. So I did. In her bedroom. When I made her put down her cool stuff and pulled her to sit with me on the bed. I remember she looked down at her feet, seemingly lost for words. I didn’t mind. I didn’t really want her to say anything. I was facing her, one leg dangling over the side of the bed, the other bent, foot tucked under my thigh. I touched her chin and turned her face toward me. Her eyes were wide. Her mouth partially open. I leaned in, pressed my lips against hers, and held them there for a moment. They felt soft. Tight. A little wet. Before I had a chance to absorb all the sensations I was feeling, she kissed me back. Hard. Her body moved forward and her hand touched my inner thigh. I felt a strangely delicious feeling between my legs. I wanted her to touch me. There.
A loud bang of the door against the wall and Robin shot away from me as her little brother burst into the room.
“Mom!” Robin croaked. “Jamie is in my room again and he didn’t knock!”
Jamie stood staring at us for what seemed an eternity. Had he seen? If he did, would he tell? Why do little brothers have to be so friggin annoying? I quickly reached around Robin and grabbed her new Batman. Her hair smelled like summer.
“I think I like this one best. Does he fly?” I made a big show of inspecting the 12″ figurine. From downstairs, Robin’s mom called out. “Jamie! Get down here young man. You know the rules. Leave Robin alone so she can play with her friend.”
Jamie scowled and exited, slamming the door behind him.
Robin and I stared at each other then fell back on the bed and burst out laughing.