Pleasing black eyes and claims of witchery, she intrigued me with her wild mystery and subversive control. I understood very early that I like to be sexually dominated looooong before 50 shades of gray was even a pube.
~me
When I was 10, I played ‘doctor’ quite fervently with a childhood friend. We explored each other’s bodies, exposing and touching but never penetrating the secret place between our thighs. All of this took place under a bed sheet disguised as a “fort”, in broad daylight, on my parent’s front porch.
Oh, the sweet innocence of the 70’s.
Her name was Beth. She was two years my senior. A beautiful black-haired, black-eyed mysterious creature who even then, I’m sure, studied the dark arts. I often wondered if she was a witch and had cast some sort of sex spell on me. Beth was a little odd. Just enough to make her eccentric and interesting and I was immensely drawn to her. She was in complete control and knew exactly what she wanted to do to me and what she wanted me to do to her. I trusted her implicitly, though at times she frightened me with her boldness.
I wanted to be her victim in our sexual play. Even back then I was attracted to the sexually dominant female and God help me, I still am. Is it because my
beth
true initiation, my first girl-on-girl encounter was with a dominant? It’s interesting how beginnings create and shape us in the end…
But, as much as Beth made me wonder at the marvel of our explorations and the delicious feelings her hands evoked when she was cruelly removed from my life, I don’t think I ever fully recovered. Beth had almost died in a freak cycling accident and I was the only witness. Her parents blamed me, even though it was truly an act of God, and somehow I got the message that horrible things happened to girls who ‘played’ with each other like Beth and I had. After Beth, I never even considered acting on the idea of being with or touching another woman.
The fantasy stayed with me, buried somewhere deep in my psyche. A sinful fascination that stayed quiet in my mind, but the idea of being intimate with a woman was terrifying. No matter how many times the temptation was placed before me, or the invitation issued, I never dared to give in to my desire.