darkMother

These past few weeks have been spent in reflection, gratitude, and a terrible sadness. A sadness so great that today, had me lying in bed until one in the afternoon. The thought of getting up to face another day was just too much. I pulled the covers over my head and fell into the watery landscape of fear-based emotions and blank despair with two thoughts on repeat:

I can’t do this anymore.
I’m just not strong enough.

And laid there until soft, hungry meows forced me out of bed.

Depression lives housed and ever present below my beating heart, sunny smile and quick laughter. I have become intimate with her dark shadows and cold embrace. At times she is almost a comfort. Familiar and safe. Allowing reasons to give up hope. To sink into the abyss. She cradles my sadness in a womb of deep, untouchable darkness. She does not ask. She does not judge. She has no expectations. She simply is.

The only true Mother I have ever known.

Today she is holding me close.