Mouth Wide Shut

I truly don’t understand why people ask you to tell them what’s on your mind. Is it just a courtesy? Like when someone asks how you are. But forgets to add that the question is rhetorical. No real genuine concern has been committed to your welfare. They want nothing more then the answered pleasantry of “I’m fine. And you?” so they can answer in kind.

Is it just something they feel compelled to ask when they hear the wheels grinding in your mind? Worried that a cog might slip. And crush them with heavy metal?

It’s all very confusing. This dance we do with our emotions. Asking questions we really don’t want to know the answers to. Or aren’t prepared or equipped for the ramifications in the answers. Spouting platitudes that are no more substantial then the hold a feather has on the wind. Smiling  when we’re crying inside. Laughing when we’re breaking. Hiding when we should be shouting ourselves from the roof tops. Afraid. When we have nothing to fear but our own limiting  beliefs…

I was asked how I felt today. Apparently the grinding could be heard as my cogs slipped in and out of gear. I’m an. Emotional. Mental. Mess. Feeling completely out of sync with my life right now. And I admit. I should have kept my mouth wide shut. But I spoke regardless. Unformed vomitous babble that pierced her heart. And mine. Truths blurted in bitter frustration. And the decibals of anger rose. Furious with accusation. And painful with seeping reality.

In the end. We achieved nothing. Each silenced by our own respective truths.  The elephant in the room neither friend nor foe. But large and looming. Just is.

I am lost to the battle raging within.

And she can not quiet the storm.