Found this today…
Way too relate-able right now.
I feel lonely. Like 98% of the time, I feel like I’m missing some connection with someone. I shouldn’t feel this way. I have friends. I have family. I am online and have online friends. But I constantly feel alone. I feel like I’m not understood, and it’s not like I blame anyone, because I […]
via Why Do I Feel So Lonely…? — Acquiescent Soul
Lately I’ve been feeling my personal/emotional worldview slipping from one kalidescope into another. Things I once knew with such certainty are now hovering on the fringe of doubt. And things I was absolutely positive would never be entertained by this seven dimensional mind, are springing into view lively and energetic.
In part, I am saddened by the loss of feelings and beliefs I’ve clutched close to my hearts core like a frayed and tattered lifeline. While old and definitely showing signs of age and wear, it has pushed me thru necessary conflict, always reliable and safe. And a constant companion for so long. Growing me, changing me, elvolving me and challenging me in unimaginable ways. A reliable, steadfast friend who seemed to have my best interest at heart. It’s a hard loss to comprehend.
I’m struggling.
And in part, I am excited to move into a new personal/emotional worldview because it means….
Hmm. 🤔
Nope.
Still on the fence.
Change does not always come easy to me.
To be continued…😶
On the bus again.
Solitude beckons.
Heartache shared.
I’ve screamed. I’ve cried. I’ve left.
I’ve hurt. I’ve breathed. I’ve let go.
So many regrets
Live inside the place
Where Hope should have thrived.
I am human.
I’ve made mistakes.
This bus ride
Is not one of them.
For weeks I’ve listened and watched
The Canada geese fly south.
Migration.
Homeward bound.
Eminent.
Wings spread in formation
Sure of their path
And their place
In the grand scheme of Life.
The first and the last
Equally important
For the survival of all.
Bound by nature.
By familial bonds.
By something
That has no word in English.
But as much apart of them
As their regal crowns.
As I boarded the bus
I found a feather.
Tucked it in my pocket
And wished to belong to something
That has no word in English.
Not sure what it is about traveling on the bus that makes me feel so nostalgic. Perhaps, because a good part of this life has been spent on buses traveling from one life to another. One family to another. One lover to another. Seeking identity. Searching for kindness. Wanting love. Moving in between the grays of safety and abuse.
Feels like I’ve been doing this a long time. Chasing a thing. Running from a thing. A lonely traveler carrying a bag packed with little pieces of me. Faithfully transient. A contemplative companion to the lonely roads I see through rainswept windshields.
Aware always.
Of the sadness that travels with me.
And the life I never lived.
Bus blues? Maybe.
But it’s a thing.
Today.
