These past few weeks have been spent in reflection, gratitude, and a terrible sadness. A sadness so great, that today, had me lying in bed until one in the afternoon. The thought of getting up to face another day was just too much. I pulled the covers over my head and fell into the watery landscape of fear-based emotions and blank despair with two thoughts on repeat:

I can’t do this anymore.

I’m just not strong enough.

And laid there until soft, hungry meows forced me out of bed.

Depression lives housed and ever present below my beating heart, sunny smile and quick laughter. I have become intimate with her dark shadows and cold embrace. At times she is almost a comfort. Familiar and safe. Allowing reasons to give up hope. To sink into the abyss. She cradles my sadness in a womb of deep, untouchable darkness. She does not ask. She does not judge. She has no expectation. She simply is.

The only true Mother I have ever known.

Today she is holding me close.

Stay safe. Be kind.

4 thoughts on “Dark Mother

  1. Aw Trish. I get this one. I really do. I have suffered from depression for years and have felt days like this one you describe more times than I care to count. It’s not an easy place to be and I wish I had words to help you move out of the darkness, but I know all too well that it takes time and that the shift will come in its own. So I will just say that you are not alone sweet woman. You have friends and people who truly care about you, myself being one of them. Breathe and meditate and do whatever you can to come back but in the meantime please kind to yourself. Your friend always, D. ❤️

  2. Wow. This is pretty powerful T. I’m so sorry you’re in a dark place of depression. I know it’s not easy to and I also wish I had words to say that would make you feel better. I think you are a beautiful, passionate and giving soul who sometimes struggles with staying in the light? But I truly hope you recognize your light and bask in its glory. You are a very special lady. Take care of yourself T. 🙏🏽💚

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