Have you ever had a song stuck in your head, and no matter what you do it will not stop playing? You wake up and it’s there. You’re not thinking of anything in particular and it’s there. You go to sleep and it’s there. Like 24/7 it’s there?!!! Well, last week I was searching for some new music on YouTube for my iPod; pop, funk, soul, new-age, and some oldies but goodies, when one thing led to another and Mr Paul Anka showed up. Never been a huge fan, but I do love a good crooner tune now and again lol. So, when “Do I Love You” appeared as a duet with his daughter, Anthea, I hit “play” just for the fun of it.
BIG MISTAKE! 🤣
He’s been looping in my head ever since, and I can’t get it to stop! I mean, it’s a pretty song with super sentimental lyrics, and I do like it. I’ve even belted it out during meal prep…I work with the deafblind so I can do that without hurting anyones eardrums lol – but it’s insane how invasive it’s become. Why does that happen, I wonder? I’m not sure I’ve ever had a song stuck in my head like this. Thankfully, it’s starting to let up. I’ve got it down to a dull hum now lol. 🙏🏽🥰 But man! That shit is crazy.
On a seasonal note, Christmas wasn’t the bust I thought it would be. It was actually kinda nice. Quiet. But I guess everyone had a quiet-er Christmas this year. I’m not looking forward to New Years tho. I prefer it over Christmas. Always have. I love the idea of new beginnings. I love celebrating the new year almost as much as I love celebrating my birthday, and for the same reason. But this new years is gonna be a little sad. No celebrations. No fireworks. No champagne and sappy-happy midnight kisses. Sigh… 😥
Oh well. It’ll be fine. And I’m not letting this fucking pandemic spoil my hopes for an unimaginably awesome 2021! And, as is befitting this time of year, I’ve been reflecting – when Mr. Anka gave me a break 😏 – and thinking about where I’ve been, and where I am, on this coming out journey, and surprisingly, I can summarize how I’m feeling in one word:
When I think about where I was last year and all things I used to worry about that no longer consume my mind, I am truly grateful. Holding onto a relationship that wasn’t healthy for me. Afraid to speak my truth incase I lost everything. Anxious about what others felt and thought about me. Stressed out about living in a city that made me unhappy. Worried I would never get started on the things that I wanted to accomplish, but actually did. For all of these things and more, as humbling and hurtful and terrifying as they were to walk through, I am grateful. They all taught me lessons and are grace-filled reminders that after everything I’ve been thru, and everything that has happened on this journey so far, there is still so much room for me to learn and to grow. And to be okay. And I am going to be okay.
So ya, it’s been weird year. Weird Christmas. And will probably be a weird New Years Eve, but I’m here, I’m alive, I have a roof over my head that I pay for, money in my pocket – probably cuz I have nowhere to go and spend it lol – and for the first time ever, I have savings! I have people in my life who love me, friends who are true and loyal, and even tho I am newly single, I know that I’m not alone. And – knock on wood – I am in good health. Life could be worse. And as an added bonus, as of this moment, Mr. Anka has not looped in my head today. Not even once! I think we may have broken up. 😳 🙏🏽🤣
I hope you had a good Christmas, as weird as it may have been, and I wish you nothing but love and happiness in 2021 and beyond. Life is short. Live it with as much joy as possible. I know I plan to do exactly that. Namaste ❤
Be kind. Stay safe. Love and live fully.