Remembering Me

I try to do the right things

Be the right person

Live the right way

But no matter how hard I try

They are here.

In between every thread

Of this tapestry.

I didn’t invite them in.

They’ve always been here.

Dark. Menacing. Blocking the happy.

Lingering in the sad spaces.

I didn’t realize there were so many

But I finally understand.

No matter how hard I try to autocorrect

Their mistakes

Their language

Their hurts

And crippling damage

We live with the baggage

Every. Fucking. Day.

So I give up.

They win.

Life is too short

To be haunted and hounded

And live in accusation of past hurts.

I can’t undo any of it.

I can’t fix what they broke.

And I can’t create trust

Where there is none.

So I give up.

I will go out and dance

And remember all the glory that I am

Before they dulled my light

And left me alone in the dark.

And if the ghosts follow me home

I will leave the walls

That have become a prison

And find my beautiful light again.

Don’t fall in love with me

If your goal is to cage me.

I will struggle to be free

And kill myself in the process.

And the beautiful you loved

Will fade and wither and die.

I am meant to be blooming.

Evolving. Growing. Learning.

Laughing in the glorious sunshine

Not crying in the grey of shade.

I am the perfect free spirit

In love with Life.

I am the perfect balance

Of lover and friend

Of humor and seriousness

Of intensity and levity

Of courage and vulnerability

Of light and darkness

Of intellect and naivety

Of sensuality and innocence.

I have the perfect heart to recieve.

I have the perfect love to give.

All of this is me and I honor that.

It has always been Me.

But ghosts are destructive.

And they’ve created monsters

Where there should have been none.

I remember who I am

And that is not who you say I am.

I love my childlike abandon.

I love my restless adventurer.

I love my incurable romantic.

I love my eternal optimist.

I love that I even know how to love.

And I love my beautiful dreamer

Who believes even when life says No.

I love me.

And I remember who I am

Even if you don’t.

Or maybe You

Never really saw Me.

Pain can blind. I get that.

But I do see me

Every. Single. Day.

My reflection smiles and laughs

And gently beckons me to come back

To peace and love and joy.

I can live without You

But I can’t live without Me.

I long to play in the light again

To continue blooming.

Perfectly.

I am all that.

And I miss Me.

🥀🦋❤

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9 thoughts on “Remembering Me

  1. Wow!
    This was incredible to read. Literally, I posted a small piece today discussing the negativity I let in and now I’m seeking the positive. I believe we all deserve that kind of beauty in our soul.

    1. We do sweetie. We all really do!!! And we do have that kind of beauty in our soul, each and every one of us. It is our birthright. But so often we let the voices of others fill our heads with who we should be, could be, and who we are not…that it’s so easy to forget the beauty of who we truly are. I’m remembering. ❤

    1. Just a girl trying to remember who she really is. So many opinions on that since coming out that it’s been easy to forget. Thanks, Steven 😉

  2. Hi T. Seems like mor self exploration is going on. I completely understand the need to remember who we are. You are so right when you say it’s easy to forget when you get caught up in what others expect from you and how they percieve you. I’m glad to hear you are finding your way back to who you are deep down inside. It’s not always an easy path to self discovery or remembering who you are in a world that insists on labeling everything but as your tagline says, it’s worth the journey. Thinking of you and hoping you stay playful and in the light! 😉 ❤

    1. I am trying Denny. I really am. But you’re right. It isn’t easy and I’m sure I will lose more than I gain at first. Seems to be the nature of things since coming out. But I have faith that everything will work out in the end because that’s just who I am! Thank you again for talking to me. It’s always warming to hear from you. 😊❤

  3. Any time T. I enjoy talking with you and reading your blog. My own life mirrors yours in many ways but I have found a place of peace within. It’s not an easy road back to self, and if any loss occurs perhaps it’s not what’s meant for you and in the long run you will have yourself back. I could be wrong but it sounds to me like that’s what you need most right now. I wish you love and joy my friend. Talk to you soon!

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