Thinking Can Seriously Fuck You Up. Don’t Let It!

I’ve decided to take the leap. Yup. I’m joining the throngs of bloggers who monetize their blogs. But it won’t be this blog. Nope. I still need a space to just be me and this space is just for me no matter who reads it. 😊

I’ve spent the past two months reading articles, studying tutorials, grasping the functional yet basic elements of design software like InDesign and Canva, understanding the concept of affiliate marketing, discovering what Drop Shipping is, and recognizing the crazy stupid power of Pinterest. And much, much more!

Gotta admit that Advil was being popped like candy some days and I think I need new glasses lol. This learning curve is crazy. But super exciting for a learning junkie like me. I have been learning what I didn’t know I didn’t know about making money blogging. And that was a lot!

But you know what? I CAN do this! And I am super excited! πŸ˜› And this time I won’t make the same mistakes.

Yeah, I’ve been here before.

Last year, I timidly set foot in the scary waters of blog monetization with a site called The Buddha Neuron. It was meant to be a place to help people find their happy. How? By understanding what makes our brains tick and why. By understanding that our beliefs can lead us into sadness and depression. Beliefs that come as the result of negative programming from our well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) parents, and by our desire to fit into society and belong.

This is not a new concept.

It’s as old as mankind.

And why did I chose such a heady topic? Cuz people are way too stressed and way too sad these days. And honestly, I don’t think that’s why we’re here. Or how we’re supposed to be living.

People just don’t believe they are enough.

Depression affects a staggering number of people. Seriously. The stats on this are a wee bit alarming. Just Google it…

Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, more than 300 million people of all ages suffer from depression. Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease. More women are affected by depression than men.

So yes. It’s a thing! The struggle is real. And I know of what I speak. (My name is Trish and I suffer from depression.)

And because of these crazy stats, I have NOT given up on my mission to help cure humans of this dreaded dis-ease, one person at a time. (And yes, I started this journey with me first. And yes, the work is ongoing. Just sayin…πŸ€—)

But very early on in my Buddha Neuron venture, I became a victim of the very thing I had hoped to help others overcome.

Fear of not being Good Enough.

(Can I get an I-hear-ya-sister hallelujah!)

I started to worry about what other people were thinking about what I was writing. Self-doubt crept in. Who was I to tackle such an epidemic? What did I really have to add to the conversation? Why should anyone listen to me? My own sense of not being good enough bloomed out of control. I was done for. Yeah, that was the true killer of my little blog.

It started innocently enough.

I took the well-intended, and actually not-so-bad advice from many successful bloggers on how to grow an email list, and emailed pretty much everyone in my contacts to join in. To my surprise almost everyone did! At first, I basked in that heady, delicious feeling of validation and instant gratification – ego, I know – but it felt really good lol.

(Sidenote : Kinda like when my tiny little post went a little viral after being awarded the coveted Freshly Pressed badge of honor. C’mon! That felt friggin fantastic lol. I’ve earned bragging rights.)

They liked me!

They really really liked me!

They thought I was a good writer. They enjoyed my humor. They encouraged me to keep going. Many cheered me on and said my posts were actually helpful in giving them a new perspective on how they ticked. It was awesome and I was thrilled that people were not only listening but actually being helped in some small way by the message I was trying to convey. Very empowering. And emboldening. And I was full of confidence.

Until I wasn’t.

You see, the problem was I had some people in my contacts who I had personal and unresolved issues with. Pesky little things that caused me to initially hesitate before hitting their personal SEND. And ironically, or not, each of these people I hesitated over asking to join my tribe was gay or lesbian. I know right?

They were either a former co-worker, an ex-boss, a-wanna-be-lover, or an admired and respected person to whom I had behaved badly in front of… (hmmm, have I ever mentioned that my coming out had some nightmarish, humiliating, oh-my-god-if-I-could-just-go-back-and-do-that-over-again moments? Well it had plenty let me tell you!) And it was these people’s rejection and scorn I feared the most. I had no idea what they were truly thinking, but what I thought they were thinking affected every single word I wrote.

For some unknown, irrational reason, I needed their approval to validate me and what I was doing. And when some of them unsubscribed from my blog, I was crushed. I figured it meant I wasn’t good enough. That I couldn’t pull it off. That I should just quit. Writing a post become more about gaining and keeping their approval then it did about getting my helpful and healing message out there. So after a few months, I did just that.

I quit.

I forgot my WHY. Temporarily. πŸ˜‰

Yeah, thoughts can raise you up to a proudly puffed magnificence, or crush the living shit out of you. So we all need to be more aware of what we’re thinking cuz thoughts really do have power.

Over the past year, some big changes have taken place within me. And I had to work really hard to accomplish them. I no longer worry as much about what other people think about what I do or say or how I live my life. Self-doubt still creeps in from time to time, but when I remember all the things it has robbed me off I say fuck you! I want to tackle this depression epidemic and that’s enough of a reason to actually do it. I have a lot to add to the conversation cuz I’ve experienced my fair share of devastation and have learned to rise above it. As to why should anyone listen to me? Well, cuz I am a wise old sage and might just have something to teach you. πŸ˜‰

Not letting my own thoughts undermine my confidence was a tough lesson to learn. But now that I have, I’m ready to start again. (And guess who I won’t be inviting to subscribe to my blog?!!! Lol.)

Kidding.

(Kinda. 😏)

Hey. I’ve been learning my limitations and I’m not about to set myself up for failure. I have every intention of succeeding this time! I think we’d all be a lot happier if we understood what hurts us and just didn’t do it.

Have a great weekend you beautiful, shiny, hopefully, happy people. πŸ€—

Talk to you next week!

In love and light,

Trish β€πŸ§‘πŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’•

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5 thoughts on “Thinking Can Seriously Fuck You Up. Don’t Let It!

  1. I so hear you on this one! Have spent so much of my life just waiting for the approval and you know what? It never came. Let it go girl and fly your friggin flag high!!! Hugs xo

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