Happy and I met about a year ago in a blizzard of wintry white. Sitting on the couch watching quietly as the world disappeared under a blanket of snow, I was painfully lamenting, once again, my broken heart. I had fallen in love and ultimately been rejected. I am not one of those women who falls in and out of love on a dime, so that kind of intense, emotional bonding is super rare for me. And the struggle to just get over it was real. For a long time, I continued to suffocate in a deep pool of self-recrimination. Asking myself all the agonizing questions one asks when a relationship ends. Why did they leave me? Why hadn’t I been enough? What could I have done differently? And so on. It’s a thing we do, right? Rejection is never easy. But, here’s the clincher.
The relationship had ended nearly two years prior.
And I was deeply involved in a new one.
I know, right. Ya. I took it pretty hard and my recovery-from-rejection skills were at an all time low. I met my nemesis, Abandonment when I was little, and we have never seen eye to eye. And somehow, in this life, I don’t think we ever will.
Now, on this particular super stormy winter day, I was wallowing in anger, futility, and hopelessness and feeling stupid sorry for myself, when a new voice joined the cacophony in my head and shouted, “Seriously, Trish? Again? What is wrong with you?” And I swear, it was literally in that moment, that something inside me just kinda clicked. I looked around at my surroundings and seemed to see my life, as it was, clearly for the first time. The warm and wonderful home I had created with my new partner. The abundance of true acceptance and positivity I had in my life. And most importantly, in a flash of brutal insight, I realized what a disservice I was doing to the person who was actually giving me the kind of love that I needed. I had it all yet, I couldn’t see any of it because I was stuck in a never-ending loop of negativity that came from reliving the past. Over and over and over.
And because I refused to change my thinking
I stayed there for a very, very long and painful time.
But in that wonderful moment of realization, I felt this bubble rise up and burst in my gut, in a warm and fuzzy kinda way, and all my crazy angst settled into acceptance. And the more I looked around, the more present I became. I almost felt embarrassed by how foolish I had been, wasting so much time hurting myself over the past. It was done. It was over. And no amount of agonizing was going to change that. So, I respectfully and consciously made the decision to let it go. And guess who showed up and introduced herself?
And I was like, damn girl! You are lookin’ gooood!
Lol, okay. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I trusted Happy at first. She was covered in a sticky sweet, sugar-coated gooeyness that I was completely unfamiliar with. And my non-trusting and way too familiar friend, Doubt, was only too eager to tell me to step away! That Happy couldn’t be trusted. That staying in our comfortably familiar place of brooding and sadness and misery was infinitely more pleasing. But, the choice to stay stuck exactly where I was suddenly no longer seemed acceptable. And it sure as hell wasn’t fun!
I wanted more for myself.
And I deserved more!
Even in my most insecure and darkest moments, I always knew I was capable of so much more then I was allowing myself to be. So, I dug deep into my arsenal of awesome life experiences and grabbed onto something that would allow me to befriend this foreign, but magnificent creature. And the first thing I found was Choice. Choice was the tool I used to move into a space that I intuitively knew would make me feel Happy and believe she was real. I had to trust my gut. And that wasn’t easy. Did I mention Doubt and I were pretty tight at this point? Still, I made the choice to push away the things that didn’t make me feel good and only accept the things that did. I didn’t reprimand myself for putting myself first, something I have always had trouble doing, and I gave myself permission to be free of the past. Self-compassion eventually won out and led me to the path of learning to love ME.
I embraced Happy as a fulltime roommate and you know what?
She’s friggen awesome!!!
Happy and I are still getting to know one another, so we do this little dance every now and then. The two-step. One step forward and two steps back lol. But I am confident we will find a rhythm that works beautifully for both of us. I’m no Happiness Guru (not yet anyhow ) and I don’t have all the answers. And I’m in no way trying to convince you otherwise. I make mistakes, have shitastic days and get weighed down in fear and self-doubt, just like everybody else. Besides, this is a BIG BIG topic and there is no way the question of how to be happy could ever be covered in one simple newsletter. People have spent lifetimes trying to figure this shit out, and those people have more people trying to figure their shit out!
Because Happy Looks Different To Everybody!
For me, it began with the simple and conscious decision to let Happy into my life. To understand that cultivating a genuine willingness to open myself up to changing my attitude, my behaviors and ultimately my thoughts, were the only way Happy was gonna come. And I really wanted Happy to come. I’m talking about true happy; lasting happy. Happy that comes from within. Not the crack-happy that has you soaring one day and then bottoming out the next. Nope. I wanted the real McCoy.
So I did the work!
And I did it with these three things.
Intention. Focus. Repetition.
I learned to stop the negative self-talk and started a brand new conversation in my mind with positive self-talk. I learned what to say to myself when I talked to myself so that I wouldn’t fall back into the same mental and emotional trap. I had to remind myself what an amazing person I am. How kind and loving and compassionate I am. How intelligent and creative and fun I am. How sincere and honest and powerful I am. And I had to remind myself that I am worthy and deserving of loving and healthy relationships in every area of my life. In truth, I kinda had to rewire my brain cuz that negative loop had been playing for a very, very long time.
Was it easy to move from pain and apathy to acceptance and happy? Hell no! It took a lot of work! I had to learn to shut out the noise of negative self-talk, practice a crap load of mindfulness, and had to keep kicking myself to stay present. And I had days where I just wanted to quit trying and just slip back into the rabbit hole. And some days I did. But, I never stayed there long. And soon the times in between crazy angst and calm became further and further apart. I connected with my gut again. And started trusting what it was telling me. I started finding meaning and purpose in my life again, something I had lost somewhere along the way.
But most importantly, I found my long lost best friend,
We are like crazy tight now and she is sexy as hell, let me tell ya!
So, I’m gonna share a little pearl of wisdom and tell you this: Much of our success and fulfillment, which is what Happy really is, comes down to how we see things. It comes down to the meaning we choose to give the events and circumstances we find ourselves in. It comes down to what we believe this wonderful thing called life is all about.
There is so much noise in our world these days. So much that disconnects us from who we are and from achieving what we want most. We’ve disconnected from our gut and the truth we know is buried deep inside. We don’t take the time to sit and listen to ourselves anymore. Our most positive selves. Our most cherished selves. The one who knows we are friggen rock stars! We need to shut out the hundreds of thousands of negative messages that we are bombarded with every day, including the ones we tell ourselves! The ones that tell us we need to do this to be successful, or put up with that to be loved, or be this to be accepted, or look like this to be beautiful. And definitely, the ones that tell us we aren’t good enough! Screw that!!!
We need to take more time just to enjoy being US!
When did that happen anyway? When did we become so obsessed with doing so much stuff that we forgot how to just BE?
Your attitude impacts everything. It directs your thoughts, your energy and most of all, the actions you take. If you want to master one of the most underrated secrets for how to be successful and happy in life, this is it:
Yup! Positive Attitude! Positive Self-Talk!
Now, before you roll your eyes and say here she goes with the hippy dippy stuff again, listen up! When I say positivity, I’m not talking about wearing rose-colored glasses or ignoring real-life challenges. And I’m not talking about being fake or keeping your not-so-positive emotions hidden. We’ve all got them. But, it’s about how you manage them, and how much control you give them that matters! What I’m asking you to do is use more of your Intelligence. Be smarter! Become aware of how much power you have and take responsibility for the impact your Attitude has on the quality of your life!
The actions you take, the energy you exude and the results you create are so much better when you practice positivity. Positive Self-Talk might seem obvious to you, but you’d be surprised to learn that most people just react to the world and allow their attitude to be dictated by the events that happen around them. Even if you have the best of intentions, do all the right things, and work really, really hard, if you don’t learn to harness this amazing and positive energetic exchange, you’re never gonna meet Happy!
And did I mention that Happy is pretty friggen phenomenal!
It takes the brain a while to acquire new information and incorporate it, so don’t beat yourself up if you try to run with this and fall down a few times. BE PATIENT with yourself. Embrace your ambition and don’t be afraid of the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. Just keep trying! We really need to learn that the real stuff doesn’t happen overnight! We need to give ourselves time to learn, to implement, to fail and to ultimately succeed! It’s a process. This is so important to understand! Listen to your gut. It’s trying to tell you something and it’s the place where your truest happy resides.
How many of you have had a strong gut feeling, ignored it
and then were sorry you did afterward?
Ya, I thought so.
Gut level cognition is absolutely valid and we ignore it all too often!
YOU deserve to be Happy!
So listen to your GUT! Stay Positive! Practice Positive Self-Talk!
This trifecta will never steer you wrong!
Whew! That’s it my lovelies! Lol, like I said, HAPPY is a BIG subject! I may not have all the answers but my promise and commitment is to bring you the very best of what I’m living and learning and keep it as real and as honest as I can. Don’t expect perfection cuz it ain’t gonna happen lol. But you can expect thought-provoking ideas, my own timeless brand of wisdom, some silliness in between, and an unwavering devotion to helping you live your most expansive, expressive and meaningful life… Happily!
Accept, Embrace & Love
Everything that makes you YOU!
And Namaste Your Ass Off!
I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.~ Hafiz (1320-1389)