Acceptance

It’s so hard to accept
That someone you
Love so deeply
Shared so much with
Wanted so badly
Feels only relief
When you leave them
But in my heart
I know
That’s what you feel now
You love me
But it’s not enough anymore
You are right, I concede
We aren’t good together…

When I woke up this morning I felt brave
Had a renewed sense of purpose
I wanted to ask you to live with me
Now. Soon. As soon as possible
I wanted you so urgently, so desperately
I felt like enough time had been wasted
I felt like we could overcome all our stuff
If we believed and loved hard and strong

When I woke up this morning I wanted you
I wanted to ask you to be with me
To just love me
So I asked you if you could accept me for me
With all my faults, flaws and humanness
But then, for the second time
I felt your hesitation
Or is it fear?
Your deliberate detachment
Your emotional coolness
And worst of all
I heard your conditions and terms
And I knew I had my answer
You had left me
And you weren’t coming back

When I woke up this morning I lied
I said what you seemed to need to hear
I released you so you could be free of the pain
You will never know what it took to leave you
I was finally no longer on the fence
I was finally no longer afraid
I had been listening to you
Really listening to you
And I had finally, truly heard you
I recognized your voice
Your love
In a place deeper then my heart
And I needed you to just love and accept me
But you can’t or you won’t or you don’t know how
Either way, it doesn’t matter now
Because you are already gone
So I didn’t tell you

When I woke up this morning
I knew I had lost you
So I said you were right
It seemed like the right thing to do
The only thing to do
So I said it
I finally said
Goodbye

And now you can breathe again P
You’re free to find a love
Better then mine
But no-one will love you more
xo

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