Clean

I need to be clean
Naked and exposed
And free to be me
Accepted for me
Loved for me
Just as I truly am
In my perfect passion
In my perfect truth
In all my imperfection
I need to start again
A fresh beginning
New slate with no pain
No blame
No rage
No criticism
No hurt
No tears
No memories

But before I do…

I need to taste your scent
Let you feel my passion
Dive into you
The way that I was meant to
The way that you should have let me
I need to make love to you
For you to make love to me
I need you to see what I have known all this time
And what you are now just realizing
That I was the one
That you have always been mine
And I have always been yours
God how I wish you had seen me sooner!

And then…
I need to say good bye

Will you let me do that?
Love you one last time?
Lose ourselves in that place
Where only you and I can go
I will understand if you say no
But…

I have decided
I have chosen a path
And I am leaving
With or without one last kiss
I can’t live you anymore
I’ve been broken down
Crippled and gun-shy
And I can’t come back
God knows I wish I could
I so needed you to see me
Openly, accepting and with love
I wanted you and loved you so desperately
I would have done anything for you
I tried so hard to please you P
I still want you
I still love you
God how I love you
But I have to let you go
I don’t want to
God knows I don’t want to
But I am a prisoner
Of our past
Of our damage
Of our painful love
And I can’t move forward
So I need to release both of us
And it hurts my heart to know this truth
The sadness is so fucking deep
Even as I write this
The tears sting
With this bittersweet good bye
I chose you, Pauline
You were my everything
You were my universe
You were my lobster šŸ˜¦
I will never love this way again
And no-one will ever be able to connect with me
The way you have…no-one
And I know my soul’s heart will cry for you
Will long for you, will ache for you
Will yearn for you the way you are yearning for me
You are all that too me and you always have been
But I can’t be where you need me to be
Where I need to be so I can be with you
So I need to let you go
To begin again
So we can both
Begin again
Clean

I will love you madly
Always

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