It’s Bittersweet Remembering Her

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The Lesbian Shuffle: In Response

It’s late
I’m tired but I can’t sleep
The day has been long and taxing
And I want to forget the drudgery of life
I can hear the rain outside
It’s coming down hard
I’d love to dance in it right now
Feel its sleek wetness on my face
Its teasing fingers soaking my clothes
Cooling my overheated skin
Sigh…
Never far from my thoughts
She is there
Pauline
I met her at the bar last week
Totally boi with beautiful full breasts
Charming and sensual and very bold
She enchanted me with her sexy crooked smile
And her hazel or were they light brown eyes?
Whatever color they were, they locked onto me
And stayed focused on me all night
I felt her energy, raw and passionate
A little frightening in its intensity
Yet reassuring somehow
We talked with comfort and ease
The recognition of two old souls
She felt familiar somehow
When she placed her hand on my knee
I buckled inside
Wanting her to touch me
But afraid of the unknown
She leaned in to kiss me
I wanted to know
The feel her lips
So I let her
But when she did it twice
I moved away
Just enough to let her know
She had not made a conquest of me yet
I remember how she smiled
As if she knew something I didn’t
She backed off a little
I was disappointed
Thinking she didn’t want me
That she found me lacking in some way
But then
When I thought she had forgotten
She moved her hand up the inside of my thigh
Slowly, deliberately
All the while looking into my eyes
Seeming to ask my permission
Yet letting me know
That I was powerless
Such a delicious, sinfully sweet feeling
I felt myself getting wet
And I could tell by her smile
By the way she watched my mouth
That she knew
When she leaned in to kiss me a third time
I had no desire to stop her
Her lips were warm and soft
Her kiss so gentle
At first light and tender, then slowly bolder
My head was spinning
My breath shallow and short
Her hand moved further up my thigh
As her kiss intensified
It was so incredibly hot
Then she stopped
Stilled her hand
Her fingers just inches away…
And when I opened my eyes
Which I didn’t realize I had closed
She smiled
And breathed me in

I am a little afraid
Of where I want to go
But I want to go there anyway
It’s all so new and so foreign
But I am curious
She excites me
God, I want to see her again

February 22.10

***************************************************************
She Comes For Me

In my darkest moments
Of fear and self loathing
She comes for me in love
When I am disillusioned
And expectation disappoints
She comes for me in love
When I reject her, enraged and cruel
And thoughtless in my pain
Still she comes for me in love
When I am clinging with my tears
To my sanity, my self
And the truth of who I am
She comes for me in love
She saves me with her warmth
Her arms, her sex
She comes for me in love
I am often in this furious state
Of change and indecision
Yet somehow she is blind
And she comes for me
She comes for me in love
Wrapping herself around my heart
Silently, softly
And ever so sweetly
She brings me home
To love

January 3.10

**************************************************************
From There to Here

She said leaving wasn’t an option
And I always thought she meant it
I suppose she did
Once upon a time ago
I don’t know anymore
But it doesn’t matter now
She’s gone to find her happiness
Tho she didn’t really stay very long
Has big ideas
Of what love should be
Said I could never have given her
What she needed
What she wanted
That cut me deep
She had my love, my life,
My everything
Was my universe, my very breath
And she never even knew it
I live, breathe and want her still
But I guess that was never enough
She just kept pushing and pushing for…???
Perfection?
I wonder if she even truly knows
Love is not perfect
It never has been
Not even in the best of fairytales
But good luck to her
I hope she finds what she’s looking for
But I know
That no-one
Will ever get her
Like I did…

Child, woman,
Lover, dreamer,
Fantasy driven,
Sexual manipulator,
Emotional blackmailer,
Unrealistic,
Devil, angel,
Tormentor, mentor
Selfish, giving
Charming, passionate, eager
Beautiful P

I’m not bitter
Just hurt and angry and sadly disillusioned
But I know one day
This longing for her will go away
And she will fade into the place of bittersweet memory

Hearts can be so fucking fickle

October 18.10

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Published by: t.dot

A late-bloomer who definitely came out crooked, dove in, got a little broken, patched herself up again and...voila! Upright ;)

2 Comments

2 thoughts on “It’s Bittersweet Remembering Her”

  1. I know I shouldn't write here but I just wanted to say, I remember the poems up above and I still feel the same way about you, I always have and I miss that energy, that place. But something has happened between us and I don't know how to get it back. I still love you and I guess I always will but you also need to find your happy, you've changed as well because of us and until we are happier people, together isn't an option.

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