So here I am.
It’s over and this time I know it to be true. All the whining, bitching, complaining, demanding, ultimatums, insecurity, arguing, negativity, cruelty, abuse, control and manipulation have finally won out and killed all the passion and desire I had for her.
It’s so sad really.
She could have had anything she wanted from me if she had just made my coming out about ME. I’ll never truly know now if this was all about a challenge for her. Turn the straight girl, get her to fall in love, cut off all ties with the husband and mold her into the perfect partner. Wow. Quite the feat if you can manage it. Manipulate and control her with sex and the passion she’s been missing in her life. Find out her weaknesses and use them against her. Make her feel so bad about herself that she thinks no-one else could possibly want her. Make her feel unworthy as a fledgling lesbian. Ruin her for anyone else. The list goes on and on. It’s horrible when the questioning starts. It’s horrible when the veil is ripped off and you see things painfully clear. And yet, I have no clarity. I know nothing anymore.
Did she ever really love me?
I could say so much more but there is no point.
I’m hurt, disillusioned, tired and empty.
I want my life back.
I just want to be on the other side…