And here it is 8 days later and…
I’m kinda freaking out.
I don’t think I am the person P thinks I am.
She thinks I am a health nut when really I am just a person who lost some weight and learned some truths about eating right and fitness. She thinks it’s my dream to travel when for now I just want to go on a fun, affordable vacation. Sure I want to see Greece and Europe…who doesn’t? It’s fascinating with its history and magnificence, but right now I would settle for Cuba and a 5 star resort. I haven’t been anywhere except for Vegas – three times no less – but I’m okay with starting small and working my way up.
But P has plans. Big plans and apparently she plans on seeing the world.
I want life to be simple. Ya know?
I just want to be in love, be happy, have fun, hang with friends, go camping, go on road trips across Canada and maybe once every two years go on a fun vacation. Is that too much to ask? Is it enough for her?
I’m starting to feel like she thinks I am someone who I’m not. And what happens when she realizes I am just me and not this other person she believes I am. I know how easily she can become disillusioned.
I never said I was something I’m not…fuck.
How can she make me feel on top of the world and believe everything is going to be okay, even when I am terrified and then just as easily threaten the very fiber of our relationship? I don’t understand what’s going on anymore. I never seem to truly understand what’s going on.
And I’m kinda freaking out.