Fuck You!

Fuck you and your immature fantasy laden self. Grow up and be responsible for your life, for your behavior, for your eating and for your fat. Stop looking for fault in me when the one to blame stares you in the face every day. Look in the mirror. Look deep.

I am tired of being your whipping girl. Tired of the constant confrontation because you feel inadequate, insecure or inferior. Or because you are weak. Stop using me as an excuse to fuck up over and over and over again.

“Well, you do it too, Trish.”
“You drink, Trish.”
“You aren’t perfect, Trish.”
“Tell me how to do it, but don’t actually tell me how to do it.”
“Help me but only help me in a certain way, with a certain tone…cushion it for me.”

Really? Seriously?
Life is fucking tough Buttercup. Suck it up!

God! You are such an infuriating child.
So combative. So tit for tat.
So defensive and confrontational.
So unhappy with yourself.

“If you become like the food police I will start hiding food.” you say.

Really? Seriously? You know what that tells me? That you don’t want to quit eating crap and binging. That you really don’t want to change your behavior, you just want me to be aware that you know its not good for you. You ask for my help, but you can’t handle the truth and the reality of what you have to do to change anything. Yes, it’s hard and you actually have to work at it. Hmmm. Imagine that! And if you don’t want to do it, then stop fucking talking about it. Stop complaining about how your body hurts you when there is nothing physically wrong with you other then the fact that you are fat. You’re stressing your joints with your weight, yet still you find excuses for the pain and still find excuses to eat.

The weather and stress, you say. Really? So what about all those times when the weather and stress aren’t factors? What’s your excuse then?

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!!!
I’M DONE LISTENING TO YOUR BULLSHIT!!!
SHIT OR GET OFF THE FUCKING POT BUT STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT!!!
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE…DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!!

It has been a constant fucking litany since I have known you. You work out four times a week, hard and yet you haven’t lost a pound! You may have actually gained weight. Unbelievable. You ask for my help but only want it if it comes in a pretty package that allows you to do whatever the hell you want and then you get angry and abusive when I call you on your shit. Fuck!

I have let you abuse me from the start..yes abuse…because I am in a new world, hungry for love and knowledge, charting unknown territories. I let you guide me and took the blame when I faltered. Took the blame when you told me I should because I thought you must know the truth. You, the wise and seasoned lesbian.

I trusted you.
Fuck you!

You know nothing but your wants and needs. Your dislikes and likes. Your passion and fantasy. Paulineland. Ya, right. It’s a great place for you…but there’s only room for one there. No one could ever compare or compete with the fantasies that lie hidden there.

I will not let you pussy beat me anymore. The sex is wonderful, the passion beautiful, the kisses to die for. The connection we have is indescribable when it works. But I will not be a slave to that passion and let it cloud my vision, blind me to your faults or stand like a road block in my path. I will not let it hide the truth of who I am. Or the truth of who you are.

I am good.
I am worthy.
I am loved.
I am not the person you want me to be.
I am so much better then that.
And I like me.

So fuck you!

Another fundamental difference between you and me? I may not ask for help often, but when I do, I am prepared to accept it. You ask for help and then complain like a whiny child when it’s harder then you expected it to be and make the person willing to help you, seriously regret their offer.

So, I’m not helping you anymore and I don’t want to hear your fucking whiny miserable complaints. I have never met anyone so obsessed with complaining the way you are. A complainer who does nothing to change their circumstances is truly the definition of a loser. Figure this shit out and grow the fuck up!

Fuck.

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