Why

You tell me I have to be
100% sure
That I want to be with you
But were you ever
100% ready
To accept love
To believe that someone like me
Could ever love someone like you?
Want to be with you
Just for who you were?
Without all the analyzing
Without the dissection
Without the need to question everything
To the point where
The love has no life of its own
Because it got smothered with
What ifs?
And what if nots?

I searched for a dream
And I was given you
That was the universes’ answer
And I embraced you fully
And without question
I thought you could do that too
Or I would never
Ever
Have given myself to you

I came to love you without question
And you taught me
To understand and feel your pain
Your reservations
Your lonliness
Your need
Your desire
And your obsession

I recognized you
The dreamer and the lover
Because I am them too
But I didn’t realize
Until much too late
That you never believed
You were worthy of love
And it was an uphill battle
From that point on
And that is a battle I was never
Prepared to fight
It was never mine to win

And now you say
I was never in love
And in doing so
You hurt me
But maybe that is your intent
To trivialize everything I felt
Everything I wanted to be
To
And for you

You call me baby still
Which I will always want to hear
From your lips
Yet in the same breath
You take away my credibility
My humanness
My love for you
My wanting and needing
To be with you
Because you have no idea
How hard I tried
And you will never see it
So you tear it all down
And say with the conviction
Of your beliefs
I have to be 100%
Or just leave you alone

And yet…
You keep looking for me here

And a part of me wonders
Is that even possible?
Could you love me 100%
Without complaint
Without concern
Without question
Without wanting change
Ever?

To say yes would mean
That I am perfection
Or you are…

I hurt
In this confusion
In this search
I should have begun alone
But it began with you
And now without you
I am alone
And unsure
And once again
I don’t understand
What the universe is trying
To tell me

So I stand alone
Open and vulnerable
With my arms raised to heaven
And it just keeps
Raining down on me…

I do love you
And I am in love with you
Believe me or not
It doesn’t matter
I know my own heart
And you should never presume to do so
It is my soul
My love
My gift
To give

I just want to find me
Before I find you
Is that so wrong?

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