Sweet Oblivion

I had no idea
9 months ago
That I would be here
Feeling so much pain
I only wanted
I still only want
Just to be loved
Why does God give
And then take away?
Why is it so hard?
I don’t understand

It must be me…

I must be so undeserving
Of happiness
So flawed in my makeup
That I only deserve
To look
But not touch
To dream
But not know
To wander aimlessly
Only ever achieving almost

I am tired of the cruel humor
Of the cosmos
And I give up
I am done with it all
I want to be alone
No matter how much I try
No matter how much I give
No matter how patient I am
No matter how much I love
It is never enough
I always lose
I always get hurt
And this?
This hurts like hell

It’s almost too much pain

I have been here before
I would rather die
Then be here again
And I never thought I’d be here
With you
Because you made me believe
In the lie
In the fantasy
Of you

So, I’m closing myself
From dreams
From hope
From love
Closing myself from the hurt
There is no point to this pain
It rips my heart, my soul apart
With no reason or rhyme
And I die a little more
Each and every time
My essence blowing away
Like tiny grains of sand
And nowhere
I am vanishing
Into the collective nothingness

And the light that I shine
For an insensitive world
My light
I’ve tried so hard to keep lit
Even in the darkest moments
Of my deepest and saddest despair
My light
Once shining bright
To help me find my way
Has been

I am lost
I am in the dark
And I will welcome sweet oblivion

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